John (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fundamentally) wrote2014-11-13 08:05 pm
fundamentally) wrote2014-11-13 08:05 pm
Effie
6 October
They'd patched him up at the hospital and seen to a bit of blood but there was no real need to keep him so they'd sent him off with a sack of bandages and a bottle of narcotics. He was high from a shot when he'd called Effie who had come right away. Oh, she was all a-flutter, fussing over him and going on, but he was a bit too high to follow along. It was all right, he assured her. It wasn't even until they were secure in his flat and he was putting on pyjamas that the truth had come out. That there had been a man with a knife who had robbed him. That a kindly soul had helped. That he had bled a rather copious amount. And that he was sure it hurt, he just didn't care.
"Will you have a lie down with me?" he asked, weary of all of it. He caught her hands and pulled her toward the bedroom. "I don't want to muss your wig but I am truly tired, Effie darling."
They'd patched him up at the hospital and seen to a bit of blood but there was no real need to keep him so they'd sent him off with a sack of bandages and a bottle of narcotics. He was high from a shot when he'd called Effie who had come right away. Oh, she was all a-flutter, fussing over him and going on, but he was a bit too high to follow along. It was all right, he assured her. It wasn't even until they were secure in his flat and he was putting on pyjamas that the truth had come out. That there had been a man with a knife who had robbed him. That a kindly soul had helped. That he had bled a rather copious amount. And that he was sure it hurt, he just didn't care.
"Will you have a lie down with me?" he asked, weary of all of it. He caught her hands and pulled her toward the bedroom. "I don't want to muss your wig but I am truly tired, Effie darling."
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The pills are starting to kick in, he can feel the warmth and the dizzy, airy sensation. But he forces himself to pay attention.
"Twice as many tributes means he had to kill twice as many people," he says. That's what he takes away. And he's sure Haymitch didn't kill them all...they all killed one another, after all, but so many. So many children. So much death.
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"Yes. It was..." She can't even begin to find a word adequate so she stops trying. "He won but he was hurt. Badly. I didn't know that at the time, I was just a child and that isn't something the game makers would have wanted the audience to see. They'd fixed him up as good as new for the crowning ceremony. But he always remembered it. When he would wake up in the middle of the night I could see how he'd move as though the wound was still there. None of them ever forget, you see?"
She puts a hand over his heart, strokes his chest. Tries to smile for him. "I could never take the nightmares away, but I could be there when he woke. He needed someone to be there and he...he had no one else."
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"And you loved him. You love him," he says softly, all the edges of the world dulled. All the harsh truths a little easier to handle. He's not jealous- how could he be jealous? That's not how they operate. No, he loved his boyfriend and his girlfriend and still loved them today, but now he loved Effie and she loved him. That doesn't negate what she had with Haymitch.
"For what it's worth- I'm sorry. I'm sorry you know what to do because that means your life has been hard. It's been hard, Effie, and my only wish for you is happiness. Real happiness..."
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"Please don't be sorry, John. Please don't." She surprised at how clear her voice is given what she's feeling. "I was part of the games. I helped to make them happen, I gave him those nightmares. Whatever I did for Haymitch -- or Peeta or Katniss, or any of them -- it could never have made up for that. But yes, I loved him. Maybe I still do. I don't know if I understood what that meant before, but I think what I feel for him is love."
She leans down and kisses John softly on the lips, seeing the dazed, drugged look in his eyes and knowing he won't be awake for much longer. "I don't think I have ever been a good person, John. But I think I've always tried to make things better. As much as I could. And that's what I can do for you now. I'll try and make this better."
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What she says breaks over him and makes his eyes sting and throat close up a bit. He kisses her softly, but finds his hands reaching for her. Pulling her close. It's not sex, it's contact. It's the sensual act of touching her, holding her.
"You make everything better," he assures her. "I was so afraid of everything before I met you, Effie. And I still...I can still barely make a choice. But you make me strong and you make me brave and I love you ever so much," he mumbles against her mouth, the words slow enough to make it obvious that the drugs have taken full effect.
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"I love you too, John. And I've got you now. You were so brave and you were strong and now I've got you." She curls herself around him as much as she can without touching his right side. Makes sure he's comfortable before laying her head down beside his. "Just sleep so it won't hurt anymore. I'll be right here."
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"That's a rather good idea," he says, eyes already closed. He holds her in return, as best as he can, and the drugs and the exhuastion allow sleep to claim him. It's a dead sleep, a blind sleep. No dreams, no fears. He sleeps in the comfort of the curve of her breast and the smell of her hair, assured that tomorrow will be a better day.