The pain of the loss squeezes her heart to the point where she has to fight to breathe around it. As profound as the moment Peeta told her. Even through the drink and the drugs and John's arms around her and the time that's passed since they'd gone. It's fresh and raw and it aches down into her bones.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She isn't sure what she's apologizing for, maybe everything. Ruining the night, making him have to comfort her, not being able to stop crying. Not being stronger, maybe. "I just want them back, John. I want them back. I'm sorry."

She lays her head on his chest and closes her eyes. Desperate to try and find that numbness again that she'd worked so hard for.